Uncle Dick: Advice to the Lovelorn #1 – Wyeth Digital

Uncle Dick: Advice to the Lovelorn #1


Uncle Dick dispenses his advice to the lovelorn.




Dear Uncle Dick:
I really like a girl, and we really get along well. I’ve developed some romantic feelings for her, but she says she just wants to be friends. How can I prove my love to her so she will love me? I really, really, really want her to love me. So my question is what can I do to make her love me?
~ Doesn’t Understand Her

Dear DUH:
Whoa! I would seriously consider masturbation as a lifestyle.

Dear Uncle Dick:
My boyfriend has been pressuring me a lot to “do it” with him. A lot. I think I want to, but I’m just not sure if I’m ready. I’m worried he might leave me for one of the skanks in my sorority who will put out for him. What should I do?
~ Perfect Relationship Under Doing-it Expectations

Your confusion is understandable, dear. It is unfair to put that kind of pressure on yourself, especially since the solution is so easy. Cluck him. Cluck him like he’s never been clucked! You need to cluck him so hard that all of your sorority skanks will know that he’s been clucked by the best!
~ U.D.

Dear Uncle Dick
My girlfriend won’t do it. I know I could nail any chick in her sorority, but I like a challenge. Any chance you could help me close the deal?
~ Just Expecting Reasonable Knowledge

Dear JERK:
Got your back, man! (see above)
~ U.D.

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