Uncle Dick’s Advice for the Lovelorn #6 – Wyeth Digital

Uncle Dick’s Advice for the Lovelorn #6

Originally Published 03-10-2013

Uncle-Dick-Portrait-2Welcome to Uncle Dick’s Advice to the Lovelorn. Seek your romance answers by using the email form to the right, or asking on Facebook. While you’re there, throw Uncle Dick a “Like.”

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Dear Uncle Dick:
My girlfriend insists that I take a shower before we have intercourse. I disagree! I work hard in a dirty feed mill all day, sweating my butt off just to get that manly works-for-a-living musk going. I keep telling her that if she wants a real man, I need to smell the part. She just says I stank. How can I convince her that she’s wrong?
~ Sweaty Kinds Underrate Noxious Kicks

Dear SKUNK:
While sweat looks manly on TV shows, with shirtless studs glistening under a hot sun, their rippling muscles moistened and gleaming with their salty drippings… and… uh… bronzed skin… Um, Where was I? Oh yeah! Sweat. Its pretty in a picture, but it does have some drawbacks when knocking boots (the clinical name for “intercourse”). For one thing, sweat comes from places on your body that easily grow bacteria, which is why sweat has such a skeazy smell.

Maybe you two can compromise: You offer to clean under your grungy arms and scrub your filthy coin purse if she does’t complain about your grimy back and stringy hair. Otherwise, you may have to emasculate yourself and take a shower. Or buy her a gas mask. Whichever one works for you.
~ Uncle Dick

Dear Uncle Dick:
What is WRONG with you?!?
~ Mostly Over-critical Matriarch

Dear MOM:
I thought I told you not to write me here! Geez! You’re embarrassing me in front of all my readers! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!

Wait, wait! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that! Its just that sometimes I think nothing I do is good enough for you. Why can’t you just accept me for me?
~ Uncle Dick

Dear Uncle Dick:
Chicks, man! Right?
~ Yanks Unit Periodically

Dear YUP:
Word!
~ Uncle Dick

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